A Boy Without Cable

When I was young, my family chose to cancel our cable plan. The reason for cancelling cable was for purely financial reason; it was just another bill to pay. However, what resulted from our family stepping away from the media mayhem was more than a few dollars saved.

You may be wondering, "do you not know who the Rugrats are?!" And the answer is, no. I really don't know who they are besides what my friends have told me. And, to an extent, I agree with what you may be thinking: Being disconnected from media has caused me to feel disconnected from my friends. Nevertheless, I am doing just fine not knowing what the Amanda Show is about. In fact, I would argue that because I did not have cable growing up, I am happier than I would be in a house that had cable. One of the main reasons I believe am happier is because I have grown up learning a different version, a better version, of manhood from the one displayed on television.

When reading the article "Congratulations Television! You Are Even Worse At Masculinity Than Femininity", I was thankful for my lack of media indulgence growing up. Before I get into my own personal experience, let me give a quick summation of the arguments from the article:

• Men are portrayed as either...
• Smart, emotional, and thus weak
• Dumb, sex-crazed, and emotionally inept.
• In the media, men who are emotional/weak are to be made fun of or labeled as gay.
• Men in the media who are dumb/emotionally inept are not to be trusted with even the simplest of tasks.

Overall, the argument Linda Holmes makes is that men according to the media cannot be complex, multi-faceted individuals, but rather fall into one of the two extremes listed above. She wraps up her article asking several questions ("Where, on television, are the men who both like football and remember birthdays? Where are the men who are great dads, great husbands, great boyfriends?"). When reading those questions I thought that is the type of man I know and that I want to be. So, how have I established a contradictory image to the media's image of what it means to be a man?

Back to my personal experience. Without media guiding my ideas of manhood there was one place to turn: The actual men in my life. Instead of modeling my actions and attitudes off of a man like Barney Stinson (I recognize that he is a little after my childhood days, but I don't know any TV men from the 90's.), I looked to my coaches, teachers and, primarily my own dad to know how to act. I was lucky to have a father who spent time talking and interacting with me. I learned by watching. I watched him shave. I watched how he threw a baseball. I watched how he treated my mom. I watched how he treated his friends. I watched how he handled hard situations and stress. Through watching and talking to him, I realized my capacity as a man to "like football and remember birthdays" or understand what it meant to be a great dad, husband or boyfriend as Holmes states in her article. My understanding of manhood was not about having a shredded body or acting out in anger rather than experiencing my emotions or being a single-faceted individual. Rather, I understood that the media's perception of manhood was wrong. Sure, I didn't put this specific argument together in my 10 year old head, but I grew up knowing that there was a wrong way to act as a man, and that the media illustrated that exact persona.  

So where does this leave us? It is hard to escape the media, and as a child one is malleable to what s/he hears, sees, and experiences. Our generation has already been thrown into the 'media fire' so to speak of superficial dads and sex-crazed meatheads, but I do think understanding the harm in believing the mainstream media's message of masculinity could be a lesson to how we interact with the next generation. If you are thinking about being a parent, consider shutting off cable for the first years of your kids lives. If you aren't willing to do this, monitor closely what your kids can view. I can guess that many of you are thinking "who wants to be THAT controlling parent?" But I think what you'll find is your children will perceive the world through a better, healthier, and more accurate lens. I know I am grateful for the years I spent as a boy without cable.