Is There Such a Thing as "Appropriately Gay"?

I remember learning about Matthew Shepard in high school, but just about what had happened to him. After reading the article about him for class, I realized that there was a different angle that the situation was looked at. I used to not think that homosexuality was viewed differently through the media and the public. It showed that Matthew Shepard did nothing wrong because he was “appropriately gay.” He did not flaunt it to the world, which made him a good man to everyone even though not many people approved of his sexuality. The statement of being “appropriately gay” really struck me. I understand that there is an idea of being “appropriately gay” in the media, but is that true for reality?

As an openly gay man, I do not think that there is such a thing as being “appropriately gay”. I believe that coming out is liberating and constraining (as discussed in class). Coming out is liberating because you are freeing yourself of so much internal struggle and pressure. It also is constraining because you have to deal with the constant scrutiny of society. At the end of the day, it is all about personal strength in handling the situation. No one would purposely put themselves through everyday personal struggle, so there is no reason for a person to choose to put themselves through the struggle of being gay and coming out.

The media’s vision of homosexuality is having some sort of happy medium of being as open/yourself as one can be, but not so much to where it makes people feel uncomfortable. My argument with this is that it is a form of discrimination on the media’s part for being sort of a hypocrite. Why would the media promote individuality, yet have some restrictions toward it. This is similar to disliking someone because of their own personal likes. People do not choose what they like, so why judge them over it? We are all human beings, so we should all have a medium of not caring of one’s sexuality because it is not the only thing that defines us. 

At the end of the day, I do not think that there is such a thing as being “appropriately gay” in reality. If there is such a thing as “appropriately gay,” then why isn’t there such a thing as being “appropriately straight?”